hmmm.

Good & Bad

2011-11-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

I've got good news! :D

Baby's phone is now working! Yayyy I can talktalk with again ;)
Another good news is that mummy is willing to pay for my PDL! Ringan sikit beban aku ;D

But I've got something bad that is lingering in my heart :(
Something is wrong with baby, but she won't tell me. Maybe she's still uncomfortable with me that's she can't share that much stuffs with me. I understand, but I'm worried cos she isn't herself and I feel useless that I'm unable to make her happy :((

*raise up my hand* Ya Allah Ya Tuhan ku, berilah Nur Shafeena Binte Samaruddeen ketenangan di hatinya Ya Allah, Amin.

I hope baby will be fine :/

Alhamdulillah :)

2011-10-31T00:20:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, we have solved the conflict we had, and now we're happy together ;)

I managed to talk things out with baby & I realised that everything that had happened was my fault. I'm the one who is stupid, I'm the one is so afraid of being honest. Hais I should be scolded or best, beaten up. One thing that I dislike abt myself is that I tend to do stupid things when I'm emotional & will only think of the consequences later on. Now that I've realised my mistakes, I'm just praying & trying my best not to do things like that anymore. I'm sorry baby :(

I feel useless. I'm the one that is suppose to console baby, protect her and tell her what is right & wrong, but instead I did something like this. Haisss. Ohh well, what can I say? We're all humans, and we make mistakes. The mistakes that I've made is a slip of mind.

I don't like it when we fight baby :( it just hurt me to see us far apart :( No, I do not want us to fight.

I'm sorry baby :( but whatever it is, YOU are the only one that I love! Yes YOU!
Iloveyoubaby<3

What happened? Do you remember?

2011-10-29T11:33:00.000+08:00

What happened between us? Please comunicate with baby :(
Don't tell me you're just gonna give up just like that? After all that has happened? After all we have gone through? After all the dreams & promises we have made to each other?

You wanna stop trying? I don't care if you've have stopped trying. I know I'm trying right now. But I just need to talk to you. Things won't get settled if we just keep queit all the way like this.

Remember when the first time we meet? We watched kung fu panda and we so close to each other until our shoulders touch?
Remember when I had to go for a holiday? The way you said you'll wait for me to come back and you've explored the way to the sky park at tampines one & wish to sit there with me when I got back to singapore?
Remember how we first held our hands together, how both of us was shy but we just don't wanna let go?
Remember when I proposed to you, how I could not sit properly and was walking here and there?
Remember the promises I've made to you?
Remember when it was only 2 days to our relationship and your ex decided to spoil everything?
Remember how we got through it?
Remember when we would sit at the sky park and talk abt everything under the moon and that I'll always love you?
Remember when it was our first month, when you bought for me a uniqlo pants that I didn't ask for it?
Remember when you surprise me by treating me to watch the movie that I have always wanted to watch?
Remember when we went to marina and took our first pic?
Remember when we watch the fireworks, and you cried becos you've long for this happiness?
Remember when you look at the MBS skypark, and said that you would like to go there someday?
Remember when it was national day and we managed to squeeze out despite the crowds and still managed to watch the fireworks?
Remember when talked abt Ryyan, the son you wanted with me when we get married in 7 years time?
Remember when you said that you dreamt of you marrying someone but could not figure out his face and you still thought it was me?
Remember when I told you that I dreamt of you being pregnant with out future son? Remember how we would confess to other and fall in love with each other all over again?
Remember when you was at your worst and I didn't want to leave cos I wanna let you know that I'll always be there for you?
Remember when I was at my very worst and your ex still haunt us, but you was there to assure me and make me feel secured?
Remember how after that we manage to pull through and fall in love with each other again?
Remember when I had to attend to your open house and I was freaking scared?
Remember what happened on the 20th oct?
Remember how we confess to each other at tamp inter?
Remember what happened on the 25th oct?
Remember when we told each other that we will still love each other despite all that has happened?
Remember when how we used to say, nothing can ever destroy our relationship now becos our love is just too strong?
REMEMBER HOW WE MANAGE TO GO THROUGH IT ALL TILL WE CAN MAKE IT THIS FAR?

Remember what happened on the 25th June 2011?

I know its long, but do you remember all that has happened between us? Are you still gonna give up and stop trying? You can go on and think for all you want. Without communication, things won't go as nice as we wanted them to be.

why?

2011-10-29T02:10:00.005+08:00

Why is it that something like this must always happen to me?
Why am I such a patient guy?
Why is it that I'm feeling tired right now?
WHY??! Can someone answer me, please :'((

I was damn happy when it was all over! I was smiling from ear to ear like this --> :)) & so I called to tell you it was over, and no with no intention, I asked you a few questions.
The expression on my face changed rapidly. The way you replied.. Is just so... I dunno but I'm disappointed by the way you replied. It was a simple yes or no questions, but instead you "kenekan" I. That's the most disappointing part :((

It was just questions dear. Its not that I don't trust you, but naturally, you will feel confused for awhile & after a while you'll make a wise choice by letting it all go & not letting anyone get in our way in our relationship.

Now you're pissed? Sighhh I don't wanna fight or argue cos I'm tired. My heart is just too weak to even talk to you abt this matter. And don't talk to me when you're pissed. Cos you tend to be sarcastic. Cool down first baby.
I don't know if you'll be reading this, but before I end this, I wanna make you think first. Imagine if it was my ex that was disturbing & many things happened. Won't you do the same thing as I did? I bet you'll asked me. Then you ask me nicely & I rudely reply you. Honestly, do you like it? Think. I'm just disappointed at you. I didn't know you're that type of person.

& if you really think I don't trust you, I wouldn't have continued this relationship, honestly. & if you really think I don't trust you, read back the convo. If you still doubt my trust for you, then I dunno what else to say.

Feeling a lot of emotions right now. Any waterproof pillows? :'(( no matter what, ILOVEYOUBABY<3 YOU. I want nobody else but YOU!

why?

2011-10-29T02:10:00.004+08:00

why?

2011-10-29T02:10:00.003+08:00

why?

2011-10-29T02:10:00.002+08:00

why?

2011-10-29T02:10:00.001+08:00

why?

2011-10-29T02:10:00.000+08:00

At my worst

2011-10-05T08:43:00.000+08:00

2011-08-01T23:46:00.003+08:00

First day of fasting today. Fuhhhhhh, i feel so weak like one kind like that. But i should be okay by tmr or the day after tmr :)

Well, so many things have happened recently ;

Saturday ; went to ITE Bishan in the morning for the F1 thingy. Then we had the site recce and it was tiring i tell you. After that fetch baby at Toa Payoh. Almost fell asleep while waiting for her. But tiredness all gone after i saw her face :) went to marina to meet the couple F and slacked at Macdonalds. Then Faris came with his gf and we talked and laughed and laughed and talked. Hehe.

Soon, it was time for the fireworks, so baby and i excused ourselves to watch it. It was seriously like 3D, like how baby had describe it. Sucha a wonderful time i've had with baby watching the fireworks, remembering of how we first watched the fireworks together. Awwww <3 after that continue toi chit chat and soon, went home.

Sunday ; nothing much happened, except that i sleep likea pig :P

Today ; Went to school feeling darn sleepy, but manage to tahan till 3.30pm. After that, pecuuut to go home and sleeeeep. Then baby woke me up cause its time to break fast. Hehe.

Just now, i was whatsapping with baby as usual, until suddenly baby called, laughing. She didnt even said hello! HAHAHAHAHA! I was like shocked for a few seconds sehhh. HAHAHAHA!

Hmm. Okay thats all for now. Need to call baby and asked her if she's okay. Suddenly struck with flu. Kesiann baby ena :(

Will update soon!

25th

2011-07-25T01:57:00.003+08:00

Alalalala~

Sweet right? I know :)

Let me tell you more about this beautiful lady in the picture ;

Her name is Nur Shafeena. She used to be my texting buddy last time. She was a very good girl, and we used to share our problems together. What we both do not know, is that we both have feelings for each other, even though we have not seen each other. Cool huh? Hehe.

Then one fine day, I decided to ask her out, cos I'll be away for 3days. Alaaa 3days only? I know its only for 3days but I'll miss her soooo much. Hehehe.

To cut the story short, she is now no longer my texting buddy but she is now my GIRLFRIEND! YES! MY GIRLFRIEND! and today is our 1st monthsary :D

Even though its been only a month, we have gone through alot. Alot till my head nearly explode. Serious, no joke. But despite all of that, im just glad that I have her by my side. She is the person that I respect, the person that I always listen too. She has also taken care of my heart with gentleness. Hehe. And becos of that ILOVEGIRLFRIEND <3

Note to Girlfriend :) ; One month seems like one year. Im just really glad to have you by my side. Thank you baby, for being there when I needed you. And im sorry if I said or do anything that make you angry. You know i wont do anything to hurt your heart. Cos if you're hurt, then i'll be hurt too. Ade connection uhh ;) Baby, Just know that we will go through the thick and thin together.

ILoveYouMoreThanAnything <3

Cant wait to see you later on sayang~!

SHAPERUN

2011-07-25T01:22:00.004+08:00

SHAPERUN!

WOHOOOO! HAD THE BEST TIME EVER!

THE LG MOMENTS WERE THE BEST MOMENTS EVER! ^^

Next up is Adidas Volunteer! Looking forward to it! :D

2011-07-20T02:10:00.005+08:00

SLEEP

Grrrr~
You know sometimes when you're angry at yourself, that you just feel useless? I know cause im feeling it right now. I just fcking hate it when im sleepy. Seriously, I fucking hate it. Why? Let me tell you guys why ;

First of all, when im sleepy, my eyes will start to get smaller and smaller. When im at my bed with the fan on at number 3, my eyes will get even smaller. If im whatsapp-ing with baby, i will try the hardest to keep myself awake. If I feel like sleeping, I'll do something that will not make me sleep. But most of the time, I failed :((
CCb its like frustrating! The most frustrating part is when im supposed to call my girlfriend, my eyes will like close automatically :(
I looked back at the msg for the time difference, it shows 3 mins difference. I FELL ASLEEP WITHIN 3MINS! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!!! PPFFFFFFFT.

To my baby love ;
Im sorry im always being like this. It has not happened once, but a few times already. Im being sucha letdown to you. Im sorry. Im truly sorry. This is one of my most worst and most hated weakness I have in me. I'll slowly find a solution on how to overcome this stupid problem of mine kay syg. I know its very frustrating to wait for me to call, but in the end never get to hear my voice. Im trying to mend my ways. Im trying to tackle this problem. You do not know how this is affecting me very badly. Feeling remorseful, and guilty at the same time :(

Sorry once again, baby :(

2011-07-18T23:38:00.002+08:00

Did I do something wrong? Please dont tell me I just did something wrong :/

Why isnt she replying?? Alaaamaaak im so worried :(((

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS! :(

2011-07-18T02:14:00.001+08:00

YOU ARE AWESOME TO ME MY LOVE <3

NOBODY'S PERFECT. ONLY BARBIE DOLLS ARE :)

Words are never enough

2011-07-18T01:45:00.003+08:00

No words can describe how much I love my girlfriend. Nope, seriously, no words.

To love ; Nobody is perfect. Even I'm not perfect. When I saw the tears in your eyes, i knew that I'm just gonna treasure you more. I'm just gonna love you even more my dear love.

I dont care about your past, what I care is your present and future. What past has past. No use pondering abt it.

I respect you, seriously. I'll also be the boyfriend that will make you happy my love.

LOVEYOUENA :)

Nur Shafeena

2011-07-17T02:35:00.003+08:00

Nuff said, ILOVEHER.

And im happy with my life right now ;)

Again

2011-02-13T02:15:00.004+08:00

Once again, my heart breaks in silence.
why oh why, is it that everytime i've found love,
love doesn't think that way? :|

ahh crap. i should stick to reality, and not dreams.
because, when the time comes,
then it's a dream, no more a reality.

i swear i don't know what im talking abt, but i do know i suck in love. FULLSTOP

P.S ; so much for the motivation post..

2011-02-12T12:37:00.000+08:00

hehe, here's a little motivation ^^v

WE CAN DO IT!

Feelings

2011-02-12T03:31:00.005+08:00

Its 3.31am and im not asleep sighh. cant even get to sleep. k honestly im feeling abit restless right now. i dunno why or what im feeling, but it is something that i cant even explain it myself. lets put all that aside and talked about my day today :D

had such a wonderful day at work and an even wonderful time with abiali and zaidi. watched the movie 'Just Go With It'. we laughed throughout the movie non-stop!!snap some photos and acted like we are models. i know, we are the "cannot-make-it" models. haha.

and one last thing. im in love with someone who barely knew i existed :( the feeling is so strong that i might a feeling im gonna talk to this crush of mine soon. and when i said soon, i really meant it. well, life is too short anyway, might as well try this out.
k sleeping soon goodnight!

Disappointment

2011-01-11T10:28:00.003+08:00

Im feeling disappointed, not regret. i dont know what went wrong, but im gonna fight my way in and study hard :'(

where'd you go

2010-11-09T06:13:00.003+08:00

6.14, and still awake!
and its all because of this fking, annoying, irritating, flu that i've got! Cb.

its kinda easy to be awake when i have this flu, cause when my nose is being blocked, i have this mentality that its gonna make my sleep unpeaceful. fuck it. who cares anyway. im gonna try to go to sleep by hook or by crook.

ohh and, yes, i really miss you.

Should I ? hmm.

2010-11-05T01:24:00.003+08:00

Okay, so im left with one day to find a present. Wait, in the first place, should i even buy it? what if i dont even have to chance to give it to her?

WHAT IF! SHE WERE TO REJECT MY GIFT?!?!?

Aiyahhh. i think to much luhhh. she's not that bad luhhh. unless she really really hates me. but still, im not going to risk it, cause i've already suffered so much. i dont think i can take another blow. its already enough that she refuse to entertain me right now.

but! too many buts. im still considering whether to get a small cake for her? or a bear? nahhh. too cliche. surprise her? but surprise her with what? bleahhhh. so stress. the most is, i would just send a birthday wish through text msg? yes, i think thats the best.

i wonder if she is thinking of me right now. hmmm.
i sometimes thought of treating her the way she is treating me right now, but, it would be abit too late i guess. cause i know, if i were to treat her the way she treats me right, she would surely hate me.

if i could just read her mind, i would know what she is thinking of me right now. cause the first moment she entertain me, the next, she acted like i was a stranger.

"we can still be friends."
yeahhhh right.

i just wish i could tell you all this.

but...sighhh.enough said.

U + ME

2010-10-30T01:34:00.003+08:00

I MISS YOU!

i dont how to show it, but i do know if you could just give me chance, i could show it to you? :D i always hope that you know how im feeling right now, cause the feeling is like sooooooo....how shall i put it eh....FKTUP! Im not trying to be mean or anything, but one day you will feel how i feel but! yours will be much more worse than mine.

i just hope that you'll realise my worth and my love for you. it's totally not a joke. so, stop taking this lightly cause its affecting me real bad. i'll be waiting for your call or text after the O's. at least, tell me that you have no feelings for me. dont leave me hanging just like that. cause if i were to cut off the ropes, i would fall down real hard. ;/

byebye

2010-10-29T01:19:00.003+08:00

I swear i cant wait any longer. cause the more i wait, the more my heart breaks.
Im just tired. i will continue to live my life to the fullest.
ohh and, call me when you're ready. i will be more than happy to have you :D

fck it

2010-10-29T01:05:00.002+08:00

I guess....

its time i stop caring for others that much, cause in the end, they'll hurt me.
its time i stop thinking of the impossibilities.
its time that i stop trying, cause im physically, mentally and emotionally tired :(
its time i stop living in self denial.
its time i stop caring for people's feelings, cause i know they wont even care for mine.
its time i stop talking, and start doing.
its time i shut myself from this world

and...

its time i start living my fucking life!

2010-03-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

and so, my job as a sales assistant is finished! :(
after a good 3 months of experience, i finally have to let go of it as i have to concentrate my o levels. sighhh :(

life hasnt been good.
failed maths, mt, ss with flying colours. its not suprising that i failed my maths but the others? i expect nothing but the best. what to do. i have tried my best. at least.

sorry did not update regularly. spending my time wisely instead of doing things that wont do good. somehow, i just could not take it another year of suffering. i even dreamed of myself collecting the results and i even smiled i my dreams. but they were shattered when i know that it's time for me to go to school. i know its for my own good and i have to sacrifice everything i always do just to do well in o. but think again, isnt it a bit tooo much that i have to even sacrifice my sleep? hmmmm only god knows.

anyway, i just hoped that my sacrifice is enough. peace.

im sorry

2010-02-18T02:23:00.002+08:00

i know, im selfish . but please forgive me.
i felt lost, i felt shocked as it was too good to be true.
remember once, i asked you if you were free.
and you said nope, im down with flu.

and im sorry i did not wish you a happy v'day
and i know that both you and i are going to alone on that day
but i just kept my mouth shut so as not to say anything that can hurt you
i know deep inside you, you want to be true
but then again, you know, im the one for you.

im not a poetic type of person
but when i read your daily dairy
i felt my eyes became teary
as if i owe you a ransom, and you were waiting for it.

i know you love me, i know you care
cause inside you, you will always want me to be there
but im confused, cause after all these years, you still want me to treat you as a lovely bear
after all that has happened, im scared to say I Love You .

God, help me please.

tiredd

2010-01-30T00:12:00.002+08:00

ola!
im really super tired from school work and soccer. trying to balance things up.
after a disappointing game with the acs barker, we finally manage to kick clementi woods butts!hooray bendemeer! ahahah.

had training just now and the fitness training was like WTF!!!! felt like dying but i guess it will pay off and im sure that i will have better stamina next time ^^after training went to work. work was okay and everything was normal but the weird thing is that the queues did not go away only until 10-15. did some settlements after that and trained to meet friend at boonkeng. chit chat a while and bused home.

and to fikri, im glad you are able to go to the higher nitec. i think if you were to continue in sec 5, you would be the quietest boy in sch. imagine the most noisy boy being the most quiet. hahahah!! dont worry, we wont lose contact. i will text you anytime :D

thats it! that all for now.
adios!

i still want you and i still need you ,ps .

HIII GUYYS :D

2010-01-26T22:50:00.003+08:00

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!

and i say welcome to my once a dead blog!
wakakaka well, i promise i will keep it updated everday. i hope so.

anyway, a lot of things has happened to me during these few months ever since i have stop blogging. work, play, work , play and work. and suddenly, school starts. and yeahhh, im taking the O level this year. f**k, i know. nevertheless, im more determined to work harder now than before.

life has never been this challenging before and on the start of the new year, something happened that left a mark on my small little heart. it hurt me seeing we could not be together but everyday until now, i just hope that at least you would have a change of mind and of course, heart. but then, when everything was going fine, something happened and it made me fee that i need to know you better all over again. and it started just like that. without a warning, i felt different the way we communicate. you seemed so reluctant to even talk to me and always trying to keep the convo short. and with years of exp, i knew that we are not used to what we used to be and definitely, i know that something is not right and to be frank, i just dunno what the toot happened and that you would treat me like a piece of junk. i feel like crying but it's useless. i know from then on that you and i are not meant to be, even if i love you with all my heart. i know that you never feel the way i feel abt you. i once told you that i can make you feel the same way but you know what, im tired. im just tired to even try. cause if you appreciate me, you would at least care for me and update me. but now, i know im trying to hard and i cannot make it.

"life's never been any greater than this "
here is abit of picture from the past few months.

okay urmm actually the picture is not long ago being taken.
heh.

GOODNIGHT AND GOODBYE !

bitter heart

2009-10-22T02:20:00.002+08:00

bitter heart, bitter heart.
woots! its a song title actually. xD

anw,its 2.21am and i cant get my head or rather my eyes close. so, instead of suffering in silence, i decided to blog! and i know, my blog suxks! cause it's plain, and the posts are all outdated. but no worries my readers, cause soon, everything is going to change. (soon? hahaha. just be patient and wait guys.)

today was boring as per normal. except for when i was jamming my ass off in sch for the grad night performance. haikal and zaidi decided to change the song time of my life to thunder. hmmm i dont mind but i still think that time of my life is the best. what to do, just follow the floww :D

when i went sch ytd, everyone was staring at me. i think because i look like a freaking alien to them. HAHAHAHA. but i guessed that it's because of my long,coloured hair that im allowed to enter the sch. times have changed. ahahahaha.

work work please start early cause i really need cash+new stuffs xD

peace out.
update soon.

URGGH

2009-10-17T01:42:00.001+08:00

URRRGGH!
anyone help me update ?
gosh im so not in the mood.

sorry readers :(

after so long.

2009-10-09T09:40:00.003+08:00

hello readers!
and im sorry that im unable to update for so long. having the n levels. and i swear im stressed out.
but now, no more stress!! cause next week is last paper and it's dnt. pfft.

maths paper 2 is like a monster. the graph is like super hard uh. its lucky i managed to do the rest.
i really hope to pass maths! urghh. no maths, cant go anywhere. :(

update soon !
adios,

hmmm

2009-09-26T03:04:00.000+08:00

well, i have actually deleted my blog . BUT! i decided to make a new one! ahaha lame lame lame.
gonna start afreshh.

enjoy your stay to my updated blog ! (and lets hope forever updated xD )